|April 1st, 1999 -Issue 5, Version 1- [articles archive]|
Old Dirty Bastard Arrested Yet Again
For the 50th time this year, famed Rapper Old Dirty Bastard has been arrested yet again, this time for jaywalking. ODB was caught on Tuesday by NYPD officers as he crossed Broadway Avenue while eating an ice cream cone, and immediately was arrested.
Right: Old Dirty Bastard was once employed by Rev. Jerry Falwell as a choirboy.
Two guys watch movies and drink beer "often"
Ronald Benny and Tim Sully may appear to be normal people on the first glance, but their lives are much more interesting than most--they rent movies, drink beer, and talk about cars "all the time".
Right: The beer never stops flowing for these two.
Anti-Spam Laws passed in America
Millions of Americans are celebrating today because of a law passed by Congress over on Sunday--it has made the production and sale of Spam illegal. Spam is a mechanically-separated-meat product made by the Hormel Company.
Right: Spam is even more mysterious than the "Cadbury Secret".
Waldo found dead--nobody cares
The citizens of Lampmania were shocked on Wednesday when the body of famous children's character Waldo was found. He and his close companion Woof were discovered crushed beneath a boulder.
Right: Waldo has been pissing people off nationwide for over 10 years.
Anti-Drug cartoon character arrested
Daren, official mascot of D.A.R.E. America, was apprehended on Monday in a crackhouse by N.Y. Police. Daren, the cartoon lion meant to serve as a mascot for the anti-drug message that D.A.R.E. promotes, was arrested for possession and sale of narcotics.
Right: Daren enjoys speaking to youth groups and 100% pure crack cocaine.
Letter from the Editor: Holiday Shout-outs!
Survey: Don`t you hate links that don`t work?
Music!!!: Kellie (For You)
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