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-The Deluded Informer, Christmas of '98 Edition-
By Philip Shearing:

Two guys watch movies and drink beer "all the time"

Cleveland, Ohio: Ronald Benny and Tim Sully may appear to be normal people on the first glance, but their lives are much more interesting than most--they rent movies, drink beer, and talk about cars "all the time".

Benny, a 24 year old drop-out, watched "several movies" last night, including Mars Attacks and Ernest Saves Christmas, with his longtime friend Sully.

"Last night kicked ass! We watched some movies, drank some beer, and, best of all, we didn't learn a thing!" said Benny, in an exclusive interview. "Plus, me and Tim talked about cars!"

Added Benny: "I haven't read a book in 3 years!"

Benny and Sully are not employed and their dating histories have been pathetic, at best. "Jobs suck. I will never work a day in my life for the man," said Sully, as he put Footloose in his V.C.R. "Girls are for losers. They're always nagging you and stuff." Sully lives alone in a 1 room apartment, except when he "crashes" at Benny's place to drink beer and watch movies.

Benny and Sully often debate on the merits of different types of cars. "I know everything there is to know about the 911 Porsche," bragged Benny. "One day, I'm gonna get me one of those." It would actually take him 30 years of saving his monthly welfare checks to actually afford a Porsche.

Benny and Sully have been friends since Junior High, and their sharing of activities has remained the same since then. "We've known each other forever, man," said Benny. "I would never turn my back on Tim, unless he turned out to be gay--I'd kill him if he ever laid a hand on me."

This dynamic duo has many plans for the future, including several up-and-coming new releases at the video store. "We're gonna watch Rambo tomorrow night and drink a few buds," gushed Sully, with a look of excitement on his face. "I can't wait until they get The Postman! That movie looks really awesome."

If history repeats itself, Benny and Sully will not change drastically for the rest of their lives. Their intriguing lifestyle will occupy them for the next 50 to 60 years, after which they will die.

Two Guys
Ronald Benny and Tim Sully enjoy many diverse activities, including Film Viewing and Beer Consumption.

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1998 The Deluded Informer. This is a Satirical publication, published twice a month, intended for humour only. All Rights Reserved.