[satire, parody, and disinformation]
|March 29th, 2001 -Issue 2, Version 2- [articles archive]|
Catholic Church Slashes Over 900 Jobs to Improve Profit
News from the Vatican City today has sent shock waves throughout the entire Catholic community. Vince Gino, chief spokesman for Pope John Paul II, announced in a press conference late last night that the budget cuts that had been implemented last year did not go deep enough and that a more severe approach will be needed in order to keep the Church solvent.
Right: You think maintaining all these choirs is cheap?.
Study: Kids and Cigarettes Do Mix
Conventional wisdom has always preached that cigarettes and babies don't mix. This is proving to be more wishful thinking than true wisdom. Why? A recent study systematically proves that "babies like tobacco smoke." It also goes as far as saying that "...there is no wrong age to enjoy the benefits of a healthy tobacco habit."
Right: Smoking may not be so bad after all.
Reporter Jeremy Brendan Is An Asshole
Jeremy Brendan, former reporter for the Deluded Informer, is clearly an asshole. His pathetic attempts at contributing to this famous webzine were never sufficient, and now, he will be where he belongs--out on the street, sipping cheap wine from a paper bag, wishing that he had treated Editor Philip Shearing with respect.
Right: He had better clear out his cubicle.
News Shorts: Appendix Controversy; Basketball Purchase; Dictionary Movie...
Correspondent Justin Caldwell is out on the front lines, covering the news and risking his precious life for you ungrateful readers. Check out his latest work regarding A Man and His Appendix, The Imminent Purchase of a Basketball Game, and The Dictionary Movie.
Right: These need to be read, and then washed.
Commentary:I Can Spell Like The Winds
Survey:How Are We Doing?
Special Feature:A Beer Lover's Guide To Losing Weight
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