-The Deluded Informer, X-mas Edition (?)-
By Philip Shearing:

Anti-Drug cartoon character arrested

New York, New York: Daren, official mascot of D.A.R.E. America, was apprehended on Monday in a crackhouse by N.Y. Police. Daren, the cartoon lion meant to serve as a mascot for the anti-drug message that D.A.R.E. promotes, was arrested for possession and sale of narcotics.

Witnesses report that Daren was "stoned out of his mind on crack," when police arrived on the scene. A blood test administered by New York police stated that the level of cocaine in Daren's blood was enough to kill 3 average cartoon characters.

D.A.R.E., standing for "Drug Abuse Resistance Education", is a U.S. Federally funded organization which reaches out to youth, passing along a message against drug use. D.A.R.E. Apparently, the message just didn't get through to Daren. Recently, his life has been a downward spiral of drug-induced paranoia.

Daren had no comment concerning his arrest and upcoming trial. He returned to his home in the Bronx, where he lives with Anime star Sailor Moon.

Chief Ron Howard is disgusted and appalled at Daren's latest crime. "We are quite angry with Daren and his sloppy handling of the press. He knows full well that he is not supposed to get caught doing illegal things. Dammit." said Howard, in a press conference. "We turned a blind eye to his prostitution arrest. We ignored his shoplifting charges...but this time, he has gone too far."

Daren was posted on $500,000 bail, which he paid in cash. Prosecutors for the state of New York suspect that Daren earned this money by selling large amounts of Colombian Cocaine to his cartoon neighbours.

Daren is not the only cartoon character suspected of drug addiction--Bugs Bunny reportedly is "hooked" on carrots laced with heroin. Warner Brothers has denied all allegations that Bugs Bunny is nursing a heroin habit. "Bugs is a professional cartoon character, not some half-witted drug propaganda cartoon," said Gil Millen, C.E.O. of Warner Brothers. "I could understand if you said Roger Rabbit was a dopehead, but Bugs? You're dreaming in technicolor!"

D.A.R.E. has been pressured lately to remove Daren from his position and to find a new mascot. Possible replacements include Dennis Rodman, the Pillsbury Doughboy, and Kenny, from South Park.

Daren
Daren, cartoon mascot for D.A.R.E., is a crackhead

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