|-The Deluded Informer, Christmas of '98 Edition (But published on April Fools Day!)|
|Letter from the Publisher|
Dear Deluded Reader:
Firstly, Bill, I'm sorry I had to report you to the I.R.S. Listen, you should have never broke the law like that. By the way, thanks for saving my kid from that accident--that was a close one!
Andy, let's just call it even. I know that your mother was probably very special to you, but how can you blame me for running her over? I was in a hurry that day. Also, I'd like to thank you for that blood transfusion. It really hit the spot.
Mary, why are you so pissed off at me? I thought it would be cute to sell your little brother into slavery. He'd learn to respect authority and they'd probably give him some cool-looking chains. Are we still on for Friday?
Joe--how can you forget the good times? You didn't even send me a Christmas card this year. I can't really blame you though--I would be pretty ticked off if someone committed me to a mental institution. How's the food in there? Are they still feeding you through a straw?
Carlos, I will forever be in your debt. The way you covered for me when I killed that senior citizen was great. Too bad I had to report you as an illegal alien--you really were fun to have around.
Last, but not least, Jesse, thank you for standing by me all year long. Well, more like sitting, in that wheelchair I put you in--sorry about that. I thought you liked practical jokes? You're a sport.
Anyhow, I'm off to live my life of luxury and hedonism. Thanks to everyone who helped me this year, and may next year be even better than 1998--especially you Bob--your life really sucks.
Publisher, playboy, and general all-around asshole, Philip Shearing.
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©1998-99 The Deluded Informer. This is a Satirical publication, published twice a month, intended for humour only. All Rights Reserved.