[satire, parody, and disinformation]
|January 25th, 2001 -Issue 1, Version 2- [articles archive]|
Teenage Girl Reports Howie D. Is "Sooo Cute"
Thousands of reporters were flocking to Butte, Montana today for the media event of the century. They were there to record a startling revelation made by 13 year old student Becky Williams. "Howie D. is sooo cute," she announced, amid a flurry of questions. Many pundits have been predicting this for years, but now some hard evidence has come into the light.
Right: His Cuteness Cannot Be Denied, Reports Girl.
Taste Test Panel Unable to Distinguish Between Bush, Gore
As a nation of cola drinkers, America has always prided itself as having impeccable taste in such fine items as Texas Round Steak, California Wine, and laminated wall hangings. But now a recent study done by Waterhouse Group has uncovered a shocking truth that may split America at the very core--Americans cannot distinguish between Bush and Gore in taste tests.
Right: Don't Blame Us For Your Tastebuds.
Clinton Pot Party Nearly Ruined By Janet Reno
According to a new book, "The Things I Have Seen", ex-President Clinton, along with several of his Cabinet members and staffers, had a close call during his first term when Attorney General Janet Reno walked into the Oval Office as the group was enjoying a taste of high-grade marijuana.
Right: Wake Up Next To That In The Morning.
Limp Bizkit Fans Lack Intelligence Music is the ultimate symbol, stretching across all forms of media, and appealing to a wide variety of people. Many have said that "all music is artistic", from the screaming atmospherics of Sonic Youth to the crotch-fixated melodies of Lionel Ritchie. Sadly, this is not the case for Limp Bizkit. The jock-rap-rock formula they employ is tired, and the only explanation for their popularity is simple--"Limp Bizkit fans lack intelligence".
Right: Fred Durst is not cool.
Letter from the Editor: Delusions of Grandeur? Never!
Nouveaux Sounds: 10 Minutes With DJ Calmik
New Feature: Death Threats Against Me, Analysed
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