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-The Deluded Informer, Tuesday November 10th-
By Philip Shearing:

Wilford Brimley gaining respect

Hollywood, California: Wilford Brimley is finally gaining respect outside the glitz and glamour of Hollywood. A mass throng of fans, including hundreds of teenage girls, congregated at his Hollywood hills home on Sunday, to pay homage to the man.

Widely known as the actor from Quaker Oats commercials, Brimley is finally gaining widespread acceptance from the media community. Reporter Dan Ridder of the NY Times, said; "Over the last few months, as the groundswell for Wilford Brimley has increased, our subscribers have asked for our commitment to this popular actor."

A recent series of announcements have been released, proclaiming Brimley the man of the week, year, month, and century. Brimley's house has been surrounded by flowers, brought by supporters and wellwishers, in a display of respect. Faithful fans flocked to his door, hoping to catch a glimpse of the famed Quaker advertiser.

Other actors are showing their support for Brimley; David Hasselhoff has tattooed "Brimley kicks ass" onto his lower left hip, and David Duchovny declared his intentions of co-starring with Brimley in a musical about geese.

Brimley has been in good company since these recent outpourings of respect; basketball star Dennis Rodman and Brimley have been sighted club-hopping in New York City and Las Vegas recently. Brimley is quoted as saying, "Hey yo...whassup p-funk? I be the G with tha most to toast to...so step back, guy!"

A grassroots campaign is largely responsible for the recent showing of respect to Mr. Brimley. Posters, buttons, and costly television commercials promoting him and his lifestyle have been prevalent over the past few months. Clubs celebrating Wilford Brimley have also been cropping up nationwide; it has become something of a "trend" to worship Brimley.

Quaker Oats officials are celebrating Brimley's newfound respect. A company P.R. Official stated, "We are proud to be associated with the Honorable Mr. Brimley, and all that he stands for. We also sincerely hope that you will be influenced to buy our products because of him."

The pope mentioned Brimley in his Vatican address on Sunday, condemning Brimley. "He is a false prophet, firmly rooted in the past. He lives in a fantasy world and is a mockery to all who believe in God, the father of us all." Apparently, the Pope hasn't been reading the Deluded Informer, since we proved that God did not exist in our first issue.

"Wilford Brimley is my idol. I wish I could be like him," said U.N. Director Boutros-Boutros Gali, in a tearful interview. "I hope the world as a whole offers him the respect he so undoubtedly deserves, and follows his shining example of modern living, into the next millenium."

Wilfrid Brimley
Wilfrid Brimley; oatmeal impresario and media icon.

1998 The Deluded Informer. This is a Satirical publication, published twice a month, intended for humour only. All Rights Reserved.