-The Deluded Informer, Thursday October 15th-
By Philip Shearing:

Ugly girl has "Great Personality"

Matapedia,Quebec: Local area girl Jayne Weatherspoon, pictured right, has been reported to be a "very kind, nice person."She also happens, coincidentally, to be hideously ugly. Her apparent ugliness doesn't seem to affect her kind disposition, which is quite odd.

Skateboarder and classmate of Jayne, Matt Jones, is not in the least bit attracted to her. "She is really nice and shit. I would definately go out with her...if she wasn't so damn ugly."

Jaynes life has certainly been turbulent in the past few weeks. She has been subject to numerous jokes, rumours, and pranks, including one particular one where she was pushed into a large puddle. Even her family is embarassed to be associated with her. Her mother adds "If I knew that my daughter would be such a social misfit, I would have thought a lot harder about birth control."

Despite this, Jayne keeps on a happy face. She frequently attends self-help groups for the physically unattractive, goes on hikes, and makes little ducks out of clay.

The jury is out on whether she will ever make it anywhere in life. Studies have shown that "ugly" people tend to lead sadder lives, make less money than their attractive counterparts, and never truly reach happiness.

Jayne has some "friends" but they don't seem to want to stand up for her, mainly in an effort to keep their reputations intact. "She is my friend. I'm not ashamed of that." said Betty Fuller, in a low, near whispering voice. She then proceeded to hide herself in shame.

Matt Jones summed up the feelings of the entire community with this statement: "I think she would make a great girlfriend...That is, if she had a nice set of tits. Damn, she's ugly."

Jayne's unfashionable bicycle has done nothing to make her more attractive

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