-The Deluded Informer, Thursday October 15th-
By Philip Shearing:

Plato Read for Personal Enjoyment

Gaspé, Quebec: Local authorities are baffled by a recent occurence at the Gaspé CEGEP library, in which Plato's "The Republic" was taken out for "personal enjoyment." "We just don't understand it: the youth in question didn't have to read it; he just wanted to!", said Ednus Tyney, local librarian of 20 years.

Tyney realized that the book was missing on Tuesday, when he was making his rounds to ensure that no books had been consulted. "Plato's 'Republic' was no longer in its dusty, ignored state: All I found in its place was a half-eaten sandwich and some construction paper."

Tyney had not been in the library at the time because he was certain that nobody would want to "waste their time..." reading books that mean "nothing to their everyday lives."

This is the first time that Plato's 'Republic' has ever been taken out of the Gaspé library for purposes other than trying to pass a course. A local bum added "Give me a dollar and I'll give you a quote for your worthless article on the library theft!"

The Gaspé police have been alerted about the incident and they had this to say: "We intend to keep a close watch on library, to ensure something like this never happens again." Suspects include Ben Stiller, that guy from the 'Tom Green Show', and an elderly man seen leaving the library earlier that day.

"We wouldn't want people to start reading books...T.V. ratings would suffer, putting the Hollywood entertainment industry at risk." He went on to say that "reading is for losers." Local T.V. fantatics have been criticizing books for years: just last week, they set a pile of "Encyclopaedia Britannica" on fire, chanting anti-literature slogans. When the mayor of Gaspé was asked what he thought of books in general, he commented, "Why would anyone want to stare at something that has nearly no pictures, no sound, and which doesn't move? Borrring."

Plato was a greek philosopher
born in 428 B.C. Nobody read his books for pleasure, until now.

©1998 The Deluded Informer. This is a Satirical publication, published twice a month, intended for humour only. All Rights Reserved.