|-The Deluded Informer, Final Gasp [access our archive]
|Deluded Informer Folds Despite Comedic Glory|
Gaspé, Canada:The pundits predicted it, but today, the bleak reality of modern life was expressed by the staff of the Deluded Informer, who announced the end of the publishing of the Deluded Informer. The vaunted webzine folded today at 4:35 PM Eastern Standard time, apologizing to it's readers and blaming everyone else for it's failure.
"It's just not our fault, dammit!" announced editor-in-hiding Philip Shearing. "We can't keep up with the enormous workload. I blame it on Peru."
The Deluded Informer, widely reputed as the funniest thing on the internet besides The Onion, had a 4 month long run going, which ended on April fools day of 1999. It will be sadly missed.
"I don't know if there is any reason for me to live anymore," said Denny Cronin, painter and father of three. "The Deluded...what did you call it? was my pride and joy, giving me hours of...what is that word? When do I get my check?"
Competitors at the Onion, which is "America's Finest News Source", had nothing to say. With the Deluded Informer out of the way, nothing remains in their path to world domination. This victory has historical and global implications, comparable on par with Lenin's victory over Trotsky in 1912.
Entertainers around the world have declared their opposition to the closing of the Deluded Informer. Wilfrid Brimley staged a mock battle of Gettysburg in commemoration. "Frankly, they're the next best thing to Quaker Oats. A good, American, home-cooked meal, just like Mom used to make it" said Brimley, in an afternoon interview. "Nearly chemical free, too."
The independent republic of Slovakia issued a press release to the world media, condemning the failure of the Deluded Informer to uphold the standards of humour, and satire in general. "They have stopped being so funny, a long time ago," said general Khoytzin, despot of Slovakia. "What happened to their 2 week promise? They put out every 2 weeks an issue, but this ended after only 4 months! Nyet!"
Louis Cyr, longtime contributor and half-owner of the Deluded Informer, expressed his regret at the whole situation. "I did not sleep with Shania Twain. We are just friends...very good friends," he said. Mr. Cyr did however keep the option of a rebirth open, leading some experts to believe that this is just a publicity stunt.
"Beginning again is not out of the question. As long as there is corporate tyranny, idiot-box-riddled media, empty-minded tyrants, and people with personal computers, the Deluded Informer will always belong in existence. We will rise again!"
I hope you're right, Mr. Cyr. The people of the world need leadership in their humouristic tendencies, and your Deluded Informer may be their only hope. One day, when there is sufficient manpower, we will rise, like a comedic phoenix, from the ashes of cyberspace, to fly to our glorious niche in the heavens! Also, was Shania Twain good in bed?
Note: The Deluded Informer really does need people. We're restructuring, hopefully to begin anew with a new team. If you write, do web design, or even want to help in any other way, drop us a line at firstname.lastname@example.org.
Editor Philip Shearing blames failure on many, besides himself.
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